I was seriously thinking about not posting anything today because I'm embarrassed that I gained weight. Of course that wouldn't really help with the accountability thing, so here I am.
I gained 4.5 lbs, putting me at 245lbs.
Breathe in, breathe out....ok.
Whatever.
I gained.
So this week I've got to work harder.
I must walk everyday! That is the key to me losing weight. And I need to plan our dinners this week so I'm not rushing around, starving, trying to think about what to cook, and snacking on things until I come up with something. I also think I'm going to just eat dinner earlier. I'm hungry when I get home, so I'll just start cooking straight away, and eat at 5:30 or 6 with Z. Then I can have a small snack if I want it later, instead of going crazy when I first get home from work.
So that's the plan. I'll let you know tomorrow how I did.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Pictures
I've finally managed to post some pictures of myself. They were taken earlier this month, so I'm guessing around 244 lbs. I didn't do very well yesterday. I didn't eat enough at lunch and so was starving once I got home leading to two tortills with cheese and some yogurt before dinner. Probably not as bad as I think it is, but today I feel blah. I don't even want to say what the scale said this morning. I am in denial.
There is another photo that M took last week when we went out to dinner for my birthday which is just awful. I can't believe how huge I look in it. Yuck. The worst part is my arms. I hate how big they are. Sorry, I'm not posting it!
I am trying not to get too down on myself and remember that I am capable of making these changes but I have to admit, I'm feeling discouraged. I have a feeling I will have gained weight this week come weigh-in on Sunday, and a part of me is thinking, "Well then, just screw it till Sunday and start again after that."
That of course wouldn't really help the situation.
So... this afternoon I am eating a snack before I go home so I don't overeat again, and am planning a healthy soup for dinner. I was hoping I would have the next episode of the Biggest Loser to watch to motivate me this weekend, but no luck. I'll have to wait till Monday. I'll just watch some old episodes and work out during them.
I guess that's about all for now. Here's a pick of M and Z. I know you can't really see their faces...sorry! I guess I feel weird posting pictures of my family since I'm trying to be annoymous.
Have a good weekend!
There is another photo that M took last week when we went out to dinner for my birthday which is just awful. I can't believe how huge I look in it. Yuck. The worst part is my arms. I hate how big they are. Sorry, I'm not posting it!
I am trying not to get too down on myself and remember that I am capable of making these changes but I have to admit, I'm feeling discouraged. I have a feeling I will have gained weight this week come weigh-in on Sunday, and a part of me is thinking, "Well then, just screw it till Sunday and start again after that."
That of course wouldn't really help the situation.
So... this afternoon I am eating a snack before I go home so I don't overeat again, and am planning a healthy soup for dinner. I was hoping I would have the next episode of the Biggest Loser to watch to motivate me this weekend, but no luck. I'll have to wait till Monday. I'll just watch some old episodes and work out during them.
I guess that's about all for now. Here's a pick of M and Z. I know you can't really see their faces...sorry! I guess I feel weird posting pictures of my family since I'm trying to be annoymous.
Have a good weekend!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Not Quite Sinking...
Yesterday was close though. Tuesday I did well: walked to pick up Z and ate 1300 calories. Yesterday, Z's Uncle brought him to work, so I didn't walk and for dinner I made burritos. I love burritos. I love Mexican food. LOVE IT. And so even though I had already eaten, when M came home at 10 pm I was kinda hungry.
I should have gone to bed.
But instead, I had another small burrito with him. Putting me at 2000 calories for the day.
The scale this morning said 245. Yikes. Yes weight fluctuates from day to day, but I do not want to see 245 again. So today, Friday and Saturday I am going to need to step it up a notch if I want to keep losing.
I read an email from the Jillian Michael's Website thing, and it said that only after 30 minutes of exercise does your body start dipping into the extra fat stores and burning the fat. I normally only exercise for 30 minutes, so I am trying to figure out how I can fit in an extra 15 minutes to burn away my fat. I could try to walk Z all the way to my mother-in-laws house in the morning, but that would mean leaving the house by 7 am. Leaving by 7:45 is already difficult sometimes, so it would take some planning. The other thing is that I don't have good walking shoes. I always wear flip flops, which often leave my feet pretty sore after a 30 minute walk. I have done some running/walking at home just in the living room. I feel kind of ridiculous doing it, and again it leaves my feet sore from running barefoot on the cement floor. I don't have any workout tapes, but I've put that on my Christmas wish list (can't find them here). I know their are websites you can download workouts from, but for some reason they won't download here.
Payday is next week so if we've got a bit left over, I will buy myself some new tennis shoes. I found some great Chacos online (flip flop style but with foot support and tread) that I would love but they're expensive. Oh, the other thing about the shoes, is that I feel like such a dork wearing tennis shoes with a skirt. I only have one pair of pants, but they are getting too big now, so I wear skirts everyday (most women here do...it's considered culturally appropriate). I know, I'm being silly and vain. Who really cares about my footwear and fashion sense here?
I'm not trying to make excuses! I will figure out a way to exercise for longer periods and suffer through sore feet and blisters until I can buy some shoes.
Things I Wish For:
We have the basics here but there are some things that I really wish were available or cheaper...
whole wheat bread
whole wheat flour tortillas
corn tortillas
whole wheat flour
whole wheat pasta
brown rice
cheaper American fruit (Currently- apples, $1.50 for 1; Peaches, $7.50 lb; grapes- $8lb)
chicken breasts ($12 lb)
turkey
Cheerios
granola bars
yogurt (the good stuff $2.70 per container)
Don't get me wrong. I love all the local food and fruit, but sometimes you just want something from home and it's hard to make healthier versions of things when a lot of the healthier products aren't available or are really expensive. I do try and adjust things and make recipes with local ingredients, but what I wouldn't do for some of the conveniences of home:)
I should have gone to bed.
But instead, I had another small burrito with him. Putting me at 2000 calories for the day.
The scale this morning said 245. Yikes. Yes weight fluctuates from day to day, but I do not want to see 245 again. So today, Friday and Saturday I am going to need to step it up a notch if I want to keep losing.
I read an email from the Jillian Michael's Website thing, and it said that only after 30 minutes of exercise does your body start dipping into the extra fat stores and burning the fat. I normally only exercise for 30 minutes, so I am trying to figure out how I can fit in an extra 15 minutes to burn away my fat. I could try to walk Z all the way to my mother-in-laws house in the morning, but that would mean leaving the house by 7 am. Leaving by 7:45 is already difficult sometimes, so it would take some planning. The other thing is that I don't have good walking shoes. I always wear flip flops, which often leave my feet pretty sore after a 30 minute walk. I have done some running/walking at home just in the living room. I feel kind of ridiculous doing it, and again it leaves my feet sore from running barefoot on the cement floor. I don't have any workout tapes, but I've put that on my Christmas wish list (can't find them here). I know their are websites you can download workouts from, but for some reason they won't download here.
Payday is next week so if we've got a bit left over, I will buy myself some new tennis shoes. I found some great Chacos online (flip flop style but with foot support and tread) that I would love but they're expensive. Oh, the other thing about the shoes, is that I feel like such a dork wearing tennis shoes with a skirt. I only have one pair of pants, but they are getting too big now, so I wear skirts everyday (most women here do...it's considered culturally appropriate). I know, I'm being silly and vain. Who really cares about my footwear and fashion sense here?
I'm not trying to make excuses! I will figure out a way to exercise for longer periods and suffer through sore feet and blisters until I can buy some shoes.
Things I Wish For:
We have the basics here but there are some things that I really wish were available or cheaper...
whole wheat bread
whole wheat flour tortillas
corn tortillas
whole wheat flour
whole wheat pasta
brown rice
cheaper American fruit (Currently- apples, $1.50 for 1; Peaches, $7.50 lb; grapes- $8lb)
chicken breasts ($12 lb)
turkey
Cheerios
granola bars
yogurt (the good stuff $2.70 per container)
Don't get me wrong. I love all the local food and fruit, but sometimes you just want something from home and it's hard to make healthier versions of things when a lot of the healthier products aren't available or are really expensive. I do try and adjust things and make recipes with local ingredients, but what I wouldn't do for some of the conveniences of home:)
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Monday: check
Yesterday I followed through! I walked to get Z and ate within my calories (1400). To explain my calorie intake...I went online and a website said I should eat 1240 calories to lose 2lbs. a week. That's fine... but then if I add on some calories for breastfeeding and when I exercise , I figure if I'm between 1400-1600 calories a day, I'm doing pretty well. Any less and I'm starving, which leads me to binge.
Z is 16 months old now, and during the week when I'm at work he drinks whole milk, but as soon as I pick him up in the afternoon, he's ready to nurse, and usualy nurses another 3-5 times before he goes to bed. He also nurses twice, sometimes 3 times in the morning before we go to work. On the weekends, he wants to nurse all the time! I can occasionally distract him with a sippy cup or a snack, but he still nurses at least 8-10 times. (Each feeding is one side). I don't want to stop him. I figure if he needs it then that's fine. I'm hoping before we have another baby, he will wean himself. It's sometimes a little exhausting, feeling as though my body isn't really my own, but I do enjoy that we have a quiet time that both of us can relax and be together. Last night he was so cute....he was nursing before bedtime, but kept stopping every few minutes to give me a kiss.
Yesterday I was feeling some baby envy. Z is doing so great and becoming so capable, and I guess I am feeling more and more ready to have another baby. BUT, the weight needs to come off first and we need to get our finances in order which means paying off our debt, having some savings, and getting ourselves closer to being in our own home.
So my baby lust is making me even more motivated to stick with my plan. On to Tuesday!
Z is 16 months old now, and during the week when I'm at work he drinks whole milk, but as soon as I pick him up in the afternoon, he's ready to nurse, and usualy nurses another 3-5 times before he goes to bed. He also nurses twice, sometimes 3 times in the morning before we go to work. On the weekends, he wants to nurse all the time! I can occasionally distract him with a sippy cup or a snack, but he still nurses at least 8-10 times. (Each feeding is one side). I don't want to stop him. I figure if he needs it then that's fine. I'm hoping before we have another baby, he will wean himself. It's sometimes a little exhausting, feeling as though my body isn't really my own, but I do enjoy that we have a quiet time that both of us can relax and be together. Last night he was so cute....he was nursing before bedtime, but kept stopping every few minutes to give me a kiss.
Yesterday I was feeling some baby envy. Z is doing so great and becoming so capable, and I guess I am feeling more and more ready to have another baby. BUT, the weight needs to come off first and we need to get our finances in order which means paying off our debt, having some savings, and getting ourselves closer to being in our own home.
So my baby lust is making me even more motivated to stick with my plan. On to Tuesday!
Monday, September 21, 2009
All Talk and No Action
So my goals for the weekend didn't go exactly as planned.....
I didn't walk and only did strength once. My shoulders and abs are even sore today.
I ate ok, but also finished off the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup minatures that a friend sent. (BUT, I didn't finish them all in one sitting, and gave away half the bag to people at work, which really is an accomplishment.)
I weighed in and I'm not sure what to tell you. The scale weighed me from 238 to 244. So frustrating. The new scale is no better and it's in kilograms which still confuse me. The number that came up the most was 240.5 so that's what I'm going with. Therefore a loss of 1 lb since last week. I am so close to being under 240 I can taste it!
This week my goals are to walk everyday to pick up Z and to pay more attention to my portion sizes. I am also going to try some new strength moves that I've gotten online to spice things up a bit.
I WILL be under 240 next week!!!
I didn't walk and only did strength once. My shoulders and abs are even sore today.
I ate ok, but also finished off the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup minatures that a friend sent. (BUT, I didn't finish them all in one sitting, and gave away half the bag to people at work, which really is an accomplishment.)
I weighed in and I'm not sure what to tell you. The scale weighed me from 238 to 244. So frustrating. The new scale is no better and it's in kilograms which still confuse me. The number that came up the most was 240.5 so that's what I'm going with. Therefore a loss of 1 lb since last week. I am so close to being under 240 I can taste it!
This week my goals are to walk everyday to pick up Z and to pay more attention to my portion sizes. I am also going to try some new strength moves that I've gotten online to spice things up a bit.
I WILL be under 240 next week!!!
Friday, September 18, 2009
2 Days 'till Weigh In
Negativity
I try hard to stay positive and not worry too much about what I look like to other people, but the last few day I've been struggling. We don't have a full-length mirror at home, so all I see most of the time is me from the shoulders up. Well, this morning I took Z to the Dr. and at the office they have this reflective stuff on the windows to cut down the sun glare inside...oh man.
I wanted to look at myself, but without anyone noticing me looking at myself of course and what I saw wasn't good. This is not what I think I look like, and that skewed image of myself isn't helping me. It makes me feel embarrassed too because on Tuesday, as I was walking to work, I was feeling good about myself. I was definetly strutting a little listening to my music thinking, "Hey, I'm looking better". I can just imagine what people were thinking seeing this huge woman with her jiggling belly and saggy breasts, and massive arms walking along.
My clothes don't help either. Everything I have is stretched out and baggy (and really comfortable) but definetly making me look bigger than I am.
And so I'm trying to fight the urge to cry and eat myself into oblivion until these images of myself disappear. It doesn't help that I got on the scale this morning and it said 246.
I've been reading some new blogs today to help motivate me to continue on and tonight I finally get to see the new episode of the Biggest Loser. The last season was the first one I saw, and I just sobbed and sobbed when I watched the first epidsode. That was when I decided I needed to start moving and being healthier.
So I hope this weekend I can hold it together and follow through with my exercise and eating. I really want to see 240 on the scale on Sunday so I feel ready to work hard to get there. While I was at the Dr.'s this morning I snuck onto his scale....it weighed me in at 242 lb. but I don't know which scale or number to trust. I always go with the higher one to be on the safe side.
My Plan
Friday: Walk to pick up Z (20 minutes)
Have stirfry w/rice for dinner
Do strength while watching the Biggest Loser
Saturday: Eat oatmeal for breakfast, island food for lunch, and fajita salad for dinner
Walk to town for shopping and Clean Up the World Day w/Z (45 minutes)
Sunday: Eat oatmeal for breakfast, salad for lunch, veggies and sweet potato for dinner
Do strength while watching Dirty Dancing in memory of Patrick Swayze
So lets hope I have good news to report on Monday. Have a good weekend.
I try hard to stay positive and not worry too much about what I look like to other people, but the last few day I've been struggling. We don't have a full-length mirror at home, so all I see most of the time is me from the shoulders up. Well, this morning I took Z to the Dr. and at the office they have this reflective stuff on the windows to cut down the sun glare inside...oh man.
I wanted to look at myself, but without anyone noticing me looking at myself of course and what I saw wasn't good. This is not what I think I look like, and that skewed image of myself isn't helping me. It makes me feel embarrassed too because on Tuesday, as I was walking to work, I was feeling good about myself. I was definetly strutting a little listening to my music thinking, "Hey, I'm looking better". I can just imagine what people were thinking seeing this huge woman with her jiggling belly and saggy breasts, and massive arms walking along.
My clothes don't help either. Everything I have is stretched out and baggy (and really comfortable) but definetly making me look bigger than I am.
And so I'm trying to fight the urge to cry and eat myself into oblivion until these images of myself disappear. It doesn't help that I got on the scale this morning and it said 246.
I've been reading some new blogs today to help motivate me to continue on and tonight I finally get to see the new episode of the Biggest Loser. The last season was the first one I saw, and I just sobbed and sobbed when I watched the first epidsode. That was when I decided I needed to start moving and being healthier.
So I hope this weekend I can hold it together and follow through with my exercise and eating. I really want to see 240 on the scale on Sunday so I feel ready to work hard to get there. While I was at the Dr.'s this morning I snuck onto his scale....it weighed me in at 242 lb. but I don't know which scale or number to trust. I always go with the higher one to be on the safe side.
My Plan
Friday: Walk to pick up Z (20 minutes)
Have stirfry w/rice for dinner
Do strength while watching the Biggest Loser
Saturday: Eat oatmeal for breakfast, island food for lunch, and fajita salad for dinner
Walk to town for shopping and Clean Up the World Day w/Z (45 minutes)
Sunday: Eat oatmeal for breakfast, salad for lunch, veggies and sweet potato for dinner
Do strength while watching Dirty Dancing in memory of Patrick Swayze
So lets hope I have good news to report on Monday. Have a good weekend.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
The Good and The Bad
Lots has happened since last week, some of it good and some of it not. I guess I'll start with the not...
Last Friday when I got home from work I found out that some one had killed one of our dogs, Baby. It was so upsetting and I still can't believe someone would be so cruel to hurt an innocent animal. Animals are treated very differently here then back home. They are animals and serve a purpose, but aren't ever treated like a member of the family, as we did with our dogs. We have 3 other dogs. The dog that was killed was the mama to two of the others. She was such a sweet dog. She was happy to just be anywhere near you, and has always been the most gentle of all of them. I am so sad that she is gone and so angry that someone murdered her. We have been asking around the neighborhood, so we will hopefully find out more about who did this and report them.
The other not so good is my weight. I think I'm at 241.5, which would be .5lb down since last week, BUT my scale sucks. I'm getting a new one today. The only ones I've since here are those old fashioned ones with a dial, but I think that might be better. My scale this week, weighed me at 238, then 245, then 248, then 243. It's so frustrating. I don't know if I'm losing or not. Another thing, is that I've been a little obsessive about weighing myself. Sometimes 10 or more times a day. I know, it's ridiculous.
Last week I walked alot and so far this week I've been pretty good. Walking 2 times each on Monday and Tuesday and planning to walk and get Z this afternoon. No strength training though like I promised.
Yesterday was my birthday. I am 32 years old. Hmmm, sounds ok I guess. Anyway, we all went out to dinner, but it was kind of expensive and not that great. It was also late for Z so he was a little grumpy. Overall he did ok, but refused to sit in the highchair, so it made it hard to eat. It was nice to finally have a night together and I got to share some chocolate cheesecake with M.
I was hoping to be under 240 this week, but we'll have to see what the new scale says and start off there. I'm proud that even with the stress and sadness of losing Baby I didn't binge, and that I didn't spend my birthday feeling badly about turning a year older and not losing any weight. Instead I am going into this next year with a healthier outlook and looking forward to being at goal before my next birthday.
Last Friday when I got home from work I found out that some one had killed one of our dogs, Baby. It was so upsetting and I still can't believe someone would be so cruel to hurt an innocent animal. Animals are treated very differently here then back home. They are animals and serve a purpose, but aren't ever treated like a member of the family, as we did with our dogs. We have 3 other dogs. The dog that was killed was the mama to two of the others. She was such a sweet dog. She was happy to just be anywhere near you, and has always been the most gentle of all of them. I am so sad that she is gone and so angry that someone murdered her. We have been asking around the neighborhood, so we will hopefully find out more about who did this and report them.
The other not so good is my weight. I think I'm at 241.5, which would be .5lb down since last week, BUT my scale sucks. I'm getting a new one today. The only ones I've since here are those old fashioned ones with a dial, but I think that might be better. My scale this week, weighed me at 238, then 245, then 248, then 243. It's so frustrating. I don't know if I'm losing or not. Another thing, is that I've been a little obsessive about weighing myself. Sometimes 10 or more times a day. I know, it's ridiculous.
Last week I walked alot and so far this week I've been pretty good. Walking 2 times each on Monday and Tuesday and planning to walk and get Z this afternoon. No strength training though like I promised.
Yesterday was my birthday. I am 32 years old. Hmmm, sounds ok I guess. Anyway, we all went out to dinner, but it was kind of expensive and not that great. It was also late for Z so he was a little grumpy. Overall he did ok, but refused to sit in the highchair, so it made it hard to eat. It was nice to finally have a night together and I got to share some chocolate cheesecake with M.
I was hoping to be under 240 this week, but we'll have to see what the new scale says and start off there. I'm proud that even with the stress and sadness of losing Baby I didn't binge, and that I didn't spend my birthday feeling badly about turning a year older and not losing any weight. Instead I am going into this next year with a healthier outlook and looking forward to being at goal before my next birthday.
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