I'm back from my work trip and very disappointed with what the scale is telling me. I ate pretty healthy, walked more then I have in ages, and still the scale is the same. I'm hoping some of this is PMS. I was just so sad when I got on the scale coming back. I really expected a loss.
The good news is I found my workout DVDs. They had been knocked behind the entertainment center by Z, and I finally saw them while I was cleaning up yesterday. My goal today is to work out when I get home from work. I'm sure it will kick my butt since I haven't done them in almost a month now.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Yesterday is the past...
How is it that that saying goes?
"Yesterday is the past, the future is a mystery, today is a gift that's why they call it the present." I've been trying to live in the present and it's going okay. Days 3-5 were a little iffy. Not much exercise except for swimming in the ocean on Valentine's Day. Cookies were involved each of the days and my body was feeling like a wreck. Stomach cramps, headaches, and the backyard blues if you know what I'm saying.
Day 6 was a bit better. I left yesterday to fly to another island and I'm doing okay.
Breakfast:
2 pieces bread w/ peanut butter
Coffee
Lunch:
Bread
1/2 Avocado
1 Mandarin
1 Sprite
Snack:
1 small bag chips
chocolate bar
Dinner:
3 scrambled eggs w/sausage and onions
1 avocado
8 cherry tomatoes
Tortilla chips
1 chocolate bar
Exercise: 2 15-minute walks
Mood: Tired from the very long day. A little lonely missing M and Z. Happy about the work I accomplised and the conversations I had w/co-workers.
My goals for today are:
1. Lots of walking (it's easy to do here because I'm staying and town and everything is just close enough that you feel silly taking a taxi)
2. No junk food (chocolate and chips!)
3. Eat 5 fruits and veggies
That should be pretty easy to focus on so I don't feel overwhelmed. I am tired of having an upset stomach so I really need to stop eating so much junk.
"Yesterday is the past, the future is a mystery, today is a gift that's why they call it the present." I've been trying to live in the present and it's going okay. Days 3-5 were a little iffy. Not much exercise except for swimming in the ocean on Valentine's Day. Cookies were involved each of the days and my body was feeling like a wreck. Stomach cramps, headaches, and the backyard blues if you know what I'm saying.
Day 6 was a bit better. I left yesterday to fly to another island and I'm doing okay.
Breakfast:
2 pieces bread w/ peanut butter
Coffee
Lunch:
Bread
1/2 Avocado
1 Mandarin
1 Sprite
Snack:
1 small bag chips
chocolate bar
Dinner:
3 scrambled eggs w/sausage and onions
1 avocado
8 cherry tomatoes
Tortilla chips
1 chocolate bar
Exercise: 2 15-minute walks
Mood: Tired from the very long day. A little lonely missing M and Z. Happy about the work I accomplised and the conversations I had w/co-workers.
My goals for today are:
1. Lots of walking (it's easy to do here because I'm staying and town and everything is just close enough that you feel silly taking a taxi)
2. No junk food (chocolate and chips!)
3. Eat 5 fruits and veggies
That should be pretty easy to focus on so I don't feel overwhelmed. I am tired of having an upset stomach so I really need to stop eating so much junk.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Day 2
So Day 2 should of course be a perfect example of me being re-committed, re-energized, re-everything-that-I-haven't-been-doing-and-now-am-going-to-be-doing, right?
Not so much. I did all right for a while and then ended up not so great.
Breakfast:
1 piece of banana bread
coffee w/milk and sugar
Lunch:
1 cup vegetable beef soup
1 cup carrot/cucumbers
1 cup papaya/lime juice
Snack:
2 oz cheese
1/2 tortilla
1/4 avocado
Dinner:
2 low-cal tortillas
3/4 cup bean/ground beef
salsa
3/4 avocado
2 oz cheese
Later Snack:
3 fish sticks
10 tator tots
2 pudding cups
3 pieces of chocolate cake
Exercise: none.
Mood: Started out ok, then on the way to take a bath Z slipped and banged his head on the doorframe leaving a huge bump. We were both pretty traumatized. M wasn't there to help (as usual) and by the time I got him settled down and in bed, I decided I needed to eat again. Wow. Looking at what I ate now is just so upsetting. I know why I binged, but why couldn't I stop it?
Next week I'll be traveling to 2 outer islands for work. I always seem to do pretty good while I'm away actually. I guess because my stress level is usually much less. I won't be taking Z and I'm kind of hoping that the week away will help with weaning him. I'm wondering if when I stop breast feeding it will be easier to lose weight. The last time I was away I lost 8 lbs and maybe not breast feeding had something to do with it. I'm not planning on expressing milk while I'm away like I did last time, so we'll see what happens.
Not so much. I did all right for a while and then ended up not so great.
Breakfast:
1 piece of banana bread
coffee w/milk and sugar
Lunch:
1 cup vegetable beef soup
1 cup carrot/cucumbers
1 cup papaya/lime juice
Snack:
2 oz cheese
1/2 tortilla
1/4 avocado
Dinner:
2 low-cal tortillas
3/4 cup bean/ground beef
salsa
3/4 avocado
2 oz cheese
Later Snack:
3 fish sticks
10 tator tots
2 pudding cups
3 pieces of chocolate cake
Exercise: none.
Mood: Started out ok, then on the way to take a bath Z slipped and banged his head on the doorframe leaving a huge bump. We were both pretty traumatized. M wasn't there to help (as usual) and by the time I got him settled down and in bed, I decided I needed to eat again. Wow. Looking at what I ate now is just so upsetting. I know why I binged, but why couldn't I stop it?
Next week I'll be traveling to 2 outer islands for work. I always seem to do pretty good while I'm away actually. I guess because my stress level is usually much less. I won't be taking Z and I'm kind of hoping that the week away will help with weaning him. I'm wondering if when I stop breast feeding it will be easier to lose weight. The last time I was away I lost 8 lbs and maybe not breast feeding had something to do with it. I'm not planning on expressing milk while I'm away like I did last time, so we'll see what happens.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Something Different
One thing about being a planner is that I am always looking at tomorrow rather then being able to focus on the here and now. So I am going to try something different. I'm going to try and take it one day at a time. That sounds silly when I write it, but maybe it will help me to focus on the choices I make each day rather then always saying "It doesn't matter, I'll make up for it tomorrow." I don't know if I'll be able to post eveyday, but I'm going to try my best. I know I avoid posting when I haven't done well, and as I've said before, that pretty much defeats the whole purpose of the "blogging to keep myself accountable".
So....Day 1
Weight: 244.5 lbs. (ahhhh!!!!) Ok...as my sister says "1,2,3 I'm over it".
Breakfast:
2 pieces toast w/butter
coffee w/milk and sugar
Lunch:
1 cup chicken and vegetable soup
2 pieces banana laplap
1 cup fruit salad w/avocado and papaya
Snack:
Peanuts
2 cookies
Dinner:
3 Boiled Chicken wings
3/4 cup Rice
1 slice cheese
4 1/2 pieces of chocolate cake
Mood: Hungry. If there had been anything else to eat I would have eaten it. Upset. M was really late and didn't call (this happens a lot and bothers me so much...his work is really demanding, but he needs to be better at calling and I need to realize I can't control it so it won't effect my mood as much as it does). Tired. I have been falling asleep with Z the past 2 weeks on most nights which is around 8 pm. I am sure that my diet and complete lack of exercise is the reason why.
Exercise: zip.zero.nada.
So....Day 1
Weight: 244.5 lbs. (ahhhh!!!!) Ok...as my sister says "1,2,3 I'm over it".
Breakfast:
2 pieces toast w/butter
coffee w/milk and sugar
Lunch:
1 cup chicken and vegetable soup
2 pieces banana laplap
1 cup fruit salad w/avocado and papaya
Snack:
Peanuts
2 cookies
Dinner:
3 Boiled Chicken wings
3/4 cup Rice
1 slice cheese
4 1/2 pieces of chocolate cake
Mood: Hungry. If there had been anything else to eat I would have eaten it. Upset. M was really late and didn't call (this happens a lot and bothers me so much...his work is really demanding, but he needs to be better at calling and I need to realize I can't control it so it won't effect my mood as much as it does). Tired. I have been falling asleep with Z the past 2 weeks on most nights which is around 8 pm. I am sure that my diet and complete lack of exercise is the reason why.
Exercise: zip.zero.nada.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Weigh-In
So my official weigh in for Monday morning is 241.5lbs. That's up 3.5 since my last weigh in in November. It is what it is. I have been up and down the last 2 months, as high as 250 and as low as 236. But the important thing is that I'm still here and still trying.
I have exercised more consistently in the past month then I have in a long time, but my stress level this past month has been a lot higher. M and I have been fighting a lot...about big things and little things, but none of the fighting has left me feeling very good. So I've gained weight.
Here is what I would like to accomplish this week: (as I've mentioned, lists make me feel better)
1. Eat 5 fruits and veggies everyday
2. Exercise everyday (using my Biggest Loser DVD's at home)
3. Lower my stress level (i.e. make more of an effort to communicate better with M, even when he is being a big, grumpy jerk)
The last one is going to take a lot of effort :)
I have exercised more consistently in the past month then I have in a long time, but my stress level this past month has been a lot higher. M and I have been fighting a lot...about big things and little things, but none of the fighting has left me feeling very good. So I've gained weight.
Here is what I would like to accomplish this week: (as I've mentioned, lists make me feel better)
1. Eat 5 fruits and veggies everyday
2. Exercise everyday (using my Biggest Loser DVD's at home)
3. Lower my stress level (i.e. make more of an effort to communicate better with M, even when he is being a big, grumpy jerk)
The last one is going to take a lot of effort :)
Friday, January 29, 2010
Hungry!
We have been so broke lately that I've been skipping lunch, and cooking some very cheap but not-so-healthy dinners. Last night we had rice and baked beans and cucumbers. And I am hungry, so now that it's payday I'm a little worried! I'm trying to plan out healthy meals, but I just want to buy everything that looks good and is ready fast so I can eat it as soon as possible. I haven't had money for the bus this week either, so I've had to walk a lot, which is good. Forced exercise is good for me, because I just have to do it or I can't get to work/pick up Z/ or whatever.
You'd think all this walking and not eating would make me lose weight, but no.
I'm up to 242lbs today. Part of this is my TOM, but come on? When is that scale going to start moving??? I keep thinking I'm past the 240 barrier and that I'm doing well, but no. It's really frustrating. I need to change something, but I don't know what to change. Ok, maybe that's not exactly true. There are a few things I can improve on.
1. Measuring out my portions. Not something I really ever do. I just eyeball it and maybe that's where the problem is.
2. Exercising twice a day. Once in the morning to get energized and once at night to stop myself from snacking (not that we've had anything to snack on lately.)
3. Stop weighing myself everyday. I just called M and told him to hide the scale before I get home. Obsessively weighing myself is not helping my confidence at all and leads to that "screw it" attitude when I don't see results.
4. Preparing my lunch and snacks for while I'm at work. (Again this hasn't been possible for the last 2 weeks because we've had no food, but it will be possible now.)
I am going to start weighing myself every Monday and posting the results. I haven't lately because I've been embarrassed at how up-and-down my weight has been. I think maybe I'll start my food diary/calorie counting again as well. The whole point of this blog was to make me be honest about my behavior when it comes to food, so ignoring things doesn't really help much does it?
You'd think all this walking and not eating would make me lose weight, but no.
I'm up to 242lbs today. Part of this is my TOM, but come on? When is that scale going to start moving??? I keep thinking I'm past the 240 barrier and that I'm doing well, but no. It's really frustrating. I need to change something, but I don't know what to change. Ok, maybe that's not exactly true. There are a few things I can improve on.
1. Measuring out my portions. Not something I really ever do. I just eyeball it and maybe that's where the problem is.
2. Exercising twice a day. Once in the morning to get energized and once at night to stop myself from snacking (not that we've had anything to snack on lately.)
3. Stop weighing myself everyday. I just called M and told him to hide the scale before I get home. Obsessively weighing myself is not helping my confidence at all and leads to that "screw it" attitude when I don't see results.
4. Preparing my lunch and snacks for while I'm at work. (Again this hasn't been possible for the last 2 weeks because we've had no food, but it will be possible now.)
I am going to start weighing myself every Monday and posting the results. I haven't lately because I've been embarrassed at how up-and-down my weight has been. I think maybe I'll start my food diary/calorie counting again as well. The whole point of this blog was to make me be honest about my behavior when it comes to food, so ignoring things doesn't really help much does it?
Friday, January 22, 2010
Back to the Real World
I am a planner.
My favorite thing to do is to make lists of what needs to be done: shopping, fixing things, work, house cleaning. Pretty much anything. I was making a new weight loss list/plan and started to think about how many times I've done this in the past. And that maybe it was a bad thing to always have to re-organize myself to get back on track. But as I thought about it more and more, I wonder if it really is a bad thing? Maybe it's ok to continuously evaluate how you're doing and "start again" - again. I think it helps me. Laying out and changing the plan ever once in a while is better then just giving up, right?
The past month I've been off work and been home with Z. It was so nice to relax and hang out, and also get a million things crossed off all my lists. I'm holding steady at 238 lbs. I've been exercising with the Biggest Loser DVD's pretty consistently after my weight went up after Christmas. I'm really loving these DVD's. The workouts are short - 20 minutes - but they kick my butt! I love the kick boxing moves. And there's no dancing/grapevine crap. I hate that. I always feel like such an idiot.
Anyway..now I'm back at work. And it's ok. There's lots to do and it's kind of exciting starting off with the new year...lots of planning and new lists to make. Perfect:)
My goal for the rest of this month is to exercise 4-5 times a week and keep eating lots of veggies. I've been really good about not buying junk food, because, as I've said before I just can't control myself when there's a bag of cookies around the house.
So I'm happy to be back in the real world and I'm progressing slowly (ok, very slowly) and I'm good with that.
My favorite thing to do is to make lists of what needs to be done: shopping, fixing things, work, house cleaning. Pretty much anything. I was making a new weight loss list/plan and started to think about how many times I've done this in the past. And that maybe it was a bad thing to always have to re-organize myself to get back on track. But as I thought about it more and more, I wonder if it really is a bad thing? Maybe it's ok to continuously evaluate how you're doing and "start again" - again. I think it helps me. Laying out and changing the plan ever once in a while is better then just giving up, right?
The past month I've been off work and been home with Z. It was so nice to relax and hang out, and also get a million things crossed off all my lists. I'm holding steady at 238 lbs. I've been exercising with the Biggest Loser DVD's pretty consistently after my weight went up after Christmas. I'm really loving these DVD's. The workouts are short - 20 minutes - but they kick my butt! I love the kick boxing moves. And there's no dancing/grapevine crap. I hate that. I always feel like such an idiot.
Anyway..now I'm back at work. And it's ok. There's lots to do and it's kind of exciting starting off with the new year...lots of planning and new lists to make. Perfect:)
My goal for the rest of this month is to exercise 4-5 times a week and keep eating lots of veggies. I've been really good about not buying junk food, because, as I've said before I just can't control myself when there's a bag of cookies around the house.
So I'm happy to be back in the real world and I'm progressing slowly (ok, very slowly) and I'm good with that.
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