Hungry!

We have been so broke lately that I've been skipping lunch, and cooking some very cheap but not-so-healthy dinners. Last night we had rice and baked beans and cucumbers. And I am hungry, so now that it's payday I'm a little worried! I'm trying to plan out healthy meals, but I just want to buy everything that looks good and is ready fast so I can eat it as soon as possible. I haven't had money for the bus this week either, so I've had to walk a lot, which is good. Forced exercise is good for me, because I just have to do it or I can't get to work/pick up Z/ or whatever.

You'd think all this walking and not eating would make me lose weight, but no.

I'm up to 242lbs today. Part of this is my TOM, but come on? When is that scale going to start moving??? I keep thinking I'm past the 240 barrier and that I'm doing well, but no. It's really frustrating. I need to change something, but I don't know what to change. Ok, maybe that's not exactly true. There are a few things I can improve on.

1. Measuring out my portions. Not something I really ever do. I just eyeball it and maybe that's where the problem is.

2. Exercising twice a day. Once in the morning to get energized and once at night to stop myself from snacking (not that we've had anything to snack on lately.)

3. Stop weighing myself everyday. I just called M and told him to hide the scale before I get home. Obsessively weighing myself is not helping my confidence at all and leads to that "screw it" attitude when I don't see results.

4. Preparing my lunch and snacks for while I'm at work. (Again this hasn't been possible for the last 2 weeks because we've had no food, but it will be possible now.)

I am going to start weighing myself every Monday and posting the results. I haven't lately because I've been embarrassed at how up-and-down my weight has been. I think maybe I'll start my food diary/calorie counting again as well. The whole point of this blog was to make me be honest about my behavior when it comes to food, so ignoring things doesn't really help much does it?

Back to the Real World

I am a planner.

My favorite thing to do is to make lists of what needs to be done: shopping, fixing things, work, house cleaning. Pretty much anything. I was making a new weight loss list/plan and started to think about how many times I've done this in the past. And that maybe it was a bad thing to always have to re-organize myself to get back on track. But as I thought about it more and more, I wonder if it really is a bad thing? Maybe it's ok to continuously evaluate how you're doing and "start again" - again. I think it helps me. Laying out and changing the plan ever once in a while is better then just giving up, right?

The past month I've been off work and been home with Z. It was so nice to relax and hang out, and also get a million things crossed off all my lists. I'm holding steady at 238 lbs. I've been exercising with the Biggest Loser DVD's pretty consistently after my weight went up after Christmas. I'm really loving these DVD's. The workouts are short - 20 minutes - but they kick my butt! I love the kick boxing moves. And there's no dancing/grapevine crap. I hate that. I always feel like such an idiot.

Anyway..now I'm back at work. And it's ok. There's lots to do and it's kind of exciting starting off with the new year...lots of planning and new lists to make. Perfect:)

My goal for the rest of this month is to exercise 4-5 times a week and keep eating lots of veggies. I've been really good about not buying junk food, because, as I've said before I just can't control myself when there's a bag of cookies around the house.

So I'm happy to be back in the real world and I'm progressing slowly (ok, very slowly) and I'm good with that.