Long Weekend Ahead

Tomorrow is a holiday here so I've got 3 days which include my husband's birthday Saturday and a baby shower for a friend on Sunday. I really have to plan out what I'm going to eat so I don't go overboard. Today I'm going to the market for lots of fresh local food so I can keep eating healthy.

I need to get back into my exercise routine in the mornings on weekends as well. I wish I could get myself to wake up early on the weekdays to get my exercise in too. I do so much better throughout the day when I exercise first, but it's so hard to think about getting up at 5 or 5:30 before Z wakes up so I can do it (I am so not a morning person!). I think that will be my goal for this coming weekend and next week....do at least 20 minutes of a workout DVD every morning. I know if I make it a habit it will get easier, it's just those first steps that are so hard!

My weigh-in's on Monday, so wish me luck. Hope you all have a great weekend!

A Miracle

I've had 2 good days in a row now and am already feeling better. And last night the miracle occurred....I didn't finish my dinner! I am normally the "lick the plate clean" kind of girl. I hate wasting food (which is a ridiculous thought anyway...that's what the fridge is for) and I felt so good last night when I decided I was full and didn't polish off the last of my dinner. It really was an internal battle. I was arguing with myself:

"You're actually really full so you don't need to eat that last 1/2 cup there"

"Yeah, but it's only a 1/2 cup so may as well just eat it"

"But you're full. Really, you don't need it"

"But then it will go to waste, just eat it and you'll not have to throw anything away"

"No. YOU. ARE. FULL. Stop! Back away from the plate"

"Yes! You're right, I am full! I don't have to finish it all!"

Seriously, this is huge for me. Just last week I had lunch out with my husband and he didn't finish his fries, and even though I was completely full, I ate the fries so they "wouldn't go to waste".

So that's my little victory for this week.


P.S. Thanks so much Scarlett for your comment on my last post. It's easy to feel alone in this process and I really appreciate your encouragement:)

245.5

Yikes. The scale keeps going up and it's not surprising. The way I have been eating and the lack of exercise...a gain is to be expected. I wish I could get out of this routine of self-destructive behavior. Yesterday I sat down just an hour after lunch and proceeded to finish off a bag of potato chips and cookies just because. I wasn't hungry. I actually felt sick while I was eating and yet I didn't stop.

I have decided to set some mini-goals and rewards for myself. Maybe it will help motivate me. I am feeling like everything in my life is a mess right now. Do you ever have those days where you feel like you're crap at everything? Lately I've been feeling like I can't get anything right....I feel like I'm crap at work, at keeping my house clean, at being a wife, at being a mom, at losing weight. I know I need to stop thinking so negatively and do better but it's been really hard.

Yesterday I made some progress I think (except for the out-of-control eating). Z and I had a really good afternoon playing. I cooked a nice dinner. Bedtime went well. I managed to finally re-organize and clean up all of Z's toys which were such a mess. The laundry got folded. We (Z and I) took two short walks, about 15 minutes each to the store and then to a friend's house. M and I didn't get in any fights. So maybe I'm not completely crap.

Mini-Goals and Rewards

239 lbs - New face and eye cream
235 lbs - Buy an exercise ball
229 lbs - Buy a Yoga Mat
225 lbs - New Haircut
219 lbs - Buy a blender! (I have wanted one for a really long time now!)

Today I am going to walk home from work (30 minutes) and do a DVD workout after Z goes to bed. As far as eating today, I am going to try and eat 5 fruits and veggies and measure my portions. I am also going to give up chocolate. I just have to do it. I can't control myself around it.