Fat Fat Wei

I've been called fat several times before in my life, but never as much as when I moved to the South Pacific.

I think I remember the first time I was called fat. It was in the third grade. A boy I liked said he liked me but I was too fat. The next memorable time was in the sixth grade. This mean little punk of a boy, Jeff, came up to me on the playground and out of nowhere, in front of everyone (note: we had just moved that summer so this was a brand new school at the beginning of adolescence) said "you are so fat." What a jerk.

But as I said before, upon coming to the South Pacific, I've lost count of how many times I've been called fat. Here it's not so much a negative thing to be fat, it's just that people love stating the obvious. The first few times, I was so hurt and offended and would cry and cry once I got back to my little grass hut. I couldn't believe how people could be so rude. How could they call me fat...and in front of other people!

I knew I was fat. I'd been fat all my life. At age 25 I'd reached my highest weight of 267 lbs. Before I signed up to be a volunteer in the Pacific, I wasn't really miserable but I wasn't happy. I felt invisible. Like people looked right through me as though I was nothing.

Coming here was probably one of the best things that ever happened to me. I ended up being posted on a remote little island where the nearest telephone was 1 1/2 hours walk away, the airport and post office were 3 hours away, and the village I lived in was in a valley, so to get out to go anywhere, you had to climb uphill. The food was all freshly grown in gardens scattered over the hills and no one had ever heard of McDonald's.

In the first 3 months I lost 30 lbs. In the following 4 months I lost another 40 lbs. By the time I had been there a year, I was down to 180 lbs, which was the same weight I was when I was a freshman in high school. The great thing about losing the weight, was that I almost didn't realize it was happening. My clothes were loser and it kept getting easier climbing the hills, but with only a little hand mirror, I hadn't seen myself in months. Anyone that's lost a good deal of weight knows that it takes a while to mentally catch up with your new smaller self and it took a long time for my brain to catch up with my body.

For four years I maintained that weight while I worked on the island.

I met my husband here, and once we were married and moved to the capital city, things started to change. We had decided to start trying to have a baby as soon as we could, and wouldn't you know, I was pregnant 2 weeks later. I told myself that I would not stress about my weight while I was pregnant. And so I started eating for two, and on some days three or four. The change from living out in the middle of nowhere, to living in a town where ice cream and french fries and public transport were available did not go over well for me. However, my pregnancy went well and I delivered a beautiful 8 lb. 8oz. baby boy last year.

A few weeks later when I got on the scale, it was back to 237lbs.

And no it didn't stop there.

After a trip home to the States that December, I managed to put on another 15 lbs. leading to my ultimate weigh-in of 255 lbs. in June, when I finally decided to get control of myself.

Since June I've lost about 10 lbs. by getting back to unprocessed food and starting to exercise. Part of this most recent weight loss has been through the help from other blogs. I have to be honest with you, I had never read a blog before this year, and I was really surprised at how hearing other people's stories about trying to be healthier, helped me.

I know there are 1000's of blogs similar to this. But like those blogs I am hoping that holding myself accountable through sharing my story, will help me reach my goals and maybe encourage someone else.

I would like to get down to 170 lbs. I feel like I would be happy there. At 180 I felt good. I was curvey and healthy and could find clothes that fit me. I could climb mountains. I could canoe. I could even RUN!

I know what I need to do, because I did it before. I need to walk everyday. I need to eat local produce the majority of the time. And I need to keep junk food out of my house. It's so simple when you say it all like that.

Oh right...

I've forgotten something...

I need to do something other then gorge myself when I'm upset or stressed.

So there it is. I don't want to be "fat fat wei" (pidgin English for "really, really, fat")....I want to be healthy for my husband and son. I want our family to grow and I want to get back to that feeling of confidence in whatever I do.

Thanks for reading and I hope I won't disapoint.