2 Days 'till Weigh In

Negativity

I try hard to stay positive and not worry too much about what I look like to other people, but the last few day I've been struggling. We don't have a full-length mirror at home, so all I see most of the time is me from the shoulders up. Well, this morning I took Z to the Dr. and at the office they have this reflective stuff on the windows to cut down the sun glare inside...oh man.

I wanted to look at myself, but without anyone noticing me looking at myself of course and what I saw wasn't good. This is not what I think I look like, and that skewed image of myself isn't helping me. It makes me feel embarrassed too because on Tuesday, as I was walking to work, I was feeling good about myself. I was definetly strutting a little listening to my music thinking, "Hey, I'm looking better". I can just imagine what people were thinking seeing this huge woman with her jiggling belly and saggy breasts, and massive arms walking along.

My clothes don't help either. Everything I have is stretched out and baggy (and really comfortable) but definetly making me look bigger than I am.

And so I'm trying to fight the urge to cry and eat myself into oblivion until these images of myself disappear. It doesn't help that I got on the scale this morning and it said 246.

I've been reading some new blogs today to help motivate me to continue on and tonight I finally get to see the new episode of the Biggest Loser. The last season was the first one I saw, and I just sobbed and sobbed when I watched the first epidsode. That was when I decided I needed to start moving and being healthier.

So I hope this weekend I can hold it together and follow through with my exercise and eating. I really want to see 240 on the scale on Sunday so I feel ready to work hard to get there. While I was at the Dr.'s this morning I snuck onto his scale....it weighed me in at 242 lb. but I don't know which scale or number to trust. I always go with the higher one to be on the safe side.

My Plan

Friday: Walk to pick up Z (20 minutes)
Have stirfry w/rice for dinner
Do strength while watching the Biggest Loser

Saturday: Eat oatmeal for breakfast, island food for lunch, and fajita salad for dinner
Walk to town for shopping and Clean Up the World Day w/Z (45 minutes)

Sunday: Eat oatmeal for breakfast, salad for lunch, veggies and sweet potato for dinner
Do strength while watching Dirty Dancing in memory of Patrick Swayze

So lets hope I have good news to report on Monday. Have a good weekend.